You say this world has rules and I’m suppose to follow them to survive. But there’s a part of me which is not a part of this world and the world in which it belongs has no rules to follow but to break, tell me, how am I supposed to express this part of mine and feed it with delight?
In writing, I do find peace, for I believe in the world of words, every world meets and every world parts into where they belong and where they don’t. The world which serves my soul and eases my mind, a place with no purpose to reach but only roles to live, and so I write, without pondering the difference between truth and lie because the world takes me to the deepest of my lies and I know that’s where my truth begins. I will write till my soul has no more roles to live but to bleed.
As I walk by on the lanes below their windows, I see them fight, weep, break into despair and stare into the night sky with disgust but of course light does such wonders on them that they can put on the brightest of their smiles. I do not say them that I know they are wide awake by the break of day because they never had an unscarred sleep
A night walk is such a delight for the soul, for it sees such impeccable parts of the world which remain obscure in the vast discoveries of the daylight. The road that winds into endless darkness, seems to spill its Vanda black hue such flawlessly that the soul yearns to stay in its doleful company and hear the stories of how it has beaten light every time and yet it has always been regarded as something inferior to it. Ever seen a leaf dwelling on a bicolor, with shades of the darkest mixing infallibly into the light green? Its more pleasing than the first rays of light passing through the colourless dew drops on the pale leaves. If by chance, while wandering on the empty streets, the eyes happen to look up to the crowded sky of stars, it is likely for them to watch the moon as it rose from behind the dark glittering clouds and made love to the still lake, as the lake slowly undressed its layers of black and seeped into the calm moonlight, how unlike the sun rays covering the speckless seas with an ordinary glow of orange.
They ask me why am I such a night wanderer and advise me to be an early riser instead. How silly of them to say so, if they had only known that the night shares their dark secrets with me. As I walk by on the lanes below their windows, I see them fight, weep, break into despair and stare into the night sky with disgust but of course light does such wonders on them that they can put on the brightest of their smiles. I do not say them that I know they are wide awake by the break of day because they never had an unscarred sleep, after all that’s a secret between me and night, shared between the steps of delightful walks as I embraced the dark bits of my soul and entreated it with the dark bits of the world.
“There’s not much difference between right and wrong you see, we either do it or we don’t and then we live by the choice we made”, he said. Elissa was not sure what to take of those words her dad just said, she wanted to say him that he should not be confusing her already confused self but she asked instead “Do you mean to say I should go for it?”, “If that’s what you want to live by” he replied. Elissa murmured to herself, “I want to live with you daddy”, “Then stay” he replied, almost with a sigh of grief and a hope of belief moulded into a single sentence. And he left. She did not stop him.
Elissa had her wings woven with eyes bearing dreams to be changed into reality with each coming tomorrow. No wonder She wanted to fly away into the exploration of the choice she was still not sure of, and how could she possibly be? How could she leave behind her Dad, the man who had switched his roles between a caring mother and a responsible father. She knew all too well, after her mum, she was everything her dad had. And therefore she was torn between being a special daughter and just another girl, just like any other girl she had a life beyond her dad and she wanted to live it.
Ron could not believe that the little hands which once held his fingers to walk while stumbling on between learning to live and let go, now was about to live her dreams up and high, letting go the ties which held her down. Being her dad, it was exhilarating for him but being the king of his only crown, he did not want to lose it to the world. But what choice had he?
He got up to take out the suitcase. She got up from the porch and while covering the distance to her home she narrowed the distance between reality and illusion enough to convince herself that her dad will be okay without her.
Ron heard her footsteps and immediately wiped his tears, with a broad smile and excitement in gesture he hugged his daughter. Elissa could not be happier on seeing the semi-packed suitcase behind and hugged her dad tighter.
Two days later, she was on her way to live by the choice she made, while waving his daughter goodbye, he looked back on the choice he is now living by- The choice of saving that young bundle of joy weeping in the dirt of the road.